What Questions to Ask the Couple Before Writing Their Ceremony

Scripts & Wording

Before you write a single word of a couple’s ceremony, sitting down with them for a proper interview makes an enormous difference in how personal and accurate the final script feels. Here’s a complete set of questions to guide that conversation.

Questions about their story

• How did you two meet? What’s the actual story (not just the short version)?
• When did you know this relationship was serious?
• What’s a specific moment or memory that captures who you are as a couple?
• Is there a proposal story you’d like included, or would you rather it stay private?

Questions about tone and style

• Do you want the ceremony to feel more traditional, more casual, or somewhere in between?
• Are you looking for something funny and lighthearted, deeply sincere and emotional, or a mix of both?
• Is there any religious or spiritual language you’d like included — or specifically want left out?
• Do you have any readings, quotes, or poems you’d like incorporated?

Questions about structure

• Do you want traditional vows, vows you’ll write yourselves, or a mix (officiant-guided prompts you’ll personalize)?
• Would you like a ring exchange included?
• Are you interested in any unity ritual (sand, candle, handfasting)? See our guide on unity ceremony scripts for options.
• How would you like to be introduced at the end of the ceremony (last names, hyphenated, first names only)?

Questions about family and guests

• Are there family members or specific relationships you’d like acknowledged during the ceremony?
• Do either of you have children you’d like included or mentioned?
• Is this a second marriage for either of you, and if so, is there anything specific you’d like (or wouldn’t like) referenced?
• Are there cultural or religious traditions from your families you’d like incorporated? See our guide on interfaith and multi-faith weddings if this applies.

Questions about practical preferences

• How long would you like the overall ceremony to run?
• Is there anything you specifically don’t want mentioned (past relationships, sensitive family topics, inside jokes only a few people would understand)?
• Do you want the officiant to give a toast at the reception, or is that being handled by someone else? See our guide on officiant reception toasts.

Why this interview matters so much

The single biggest difference between a ceremony that feels generic and one that feels genuinely personal to the couple is how much real, specific material you gather before writing anything. A 30-45 minute conversation using questions like these gives you far more usable material than trying to write a script cold, or working only from a couple’s own (often vague, under-pressure) description of what they want.

When to have this conversation

Ideally, schedule this interview at least 4-6 weeks before the wedding — early enough to give yourself real writing time, and early enough that you can circle back with follow-up questions if something needs more detail.

Following up after the first draft

Plan for a second, shorter conversation after sharing your first draft — most couples have small adjustment requests, and knowing this is a normal step (not a sign you got it wrong) keeps the process feeling collaborative rather than like a one-shot test.

For a complete printable interview worksheet and ceremony-writing framework, see our Ceremony Script Bundle.